


It's You, It's Always You

by wabadabadaba



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-26
Updated: 2013-01-26
Packaged: 2017-11-27 00:35:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/656063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wabadabadaba/pseuds/wabadabadaba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Liam Payne is in love with his best friend. His best friend happens to be Zayn Malik.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's You, It's Always You

One Direction’s American tour finally ended and they had one week to themselves before having to go into the studio and start doing photo shoots for the new album cover. All of the guys were going their separate ways for the break; Niall back home to Mullingar, Harry and Louis back to their flat in London, Liam to his shared flat with Danielle and Zayn to Bradford for the weekend then back to his own flat in London. The year was absolutely amazing for them and they couldn’t be more grateful for all of their fans but all of the boys couldn’t wait to get home.

Zayn was probably the most excited out of all of them since he’s felt like he has been suffocating for the past few months. The tour was a complete whirlwind and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He was always being rushed off somewhere and he was never alone. Having time to himself was something Zayn has always needed, ever since he was a small child. While he loves interacting with people and getting to know people, he needs a few hours or sometimes even days to collect his thoughts and regroup in a sense. So even though all he wants is some peace and quiet in the comforts of his own flat, he knows he should see his family first since he hasn’t seem them in roughly a year.  
Zayn loves his family to death, he would go to the end of the world for them but after the weekend was up he was elated to finally arrive in his flat. He ended up turning off his phone for the weekend since he wanted to give his family undivided attention so when he turned his phone back on and saw a couple of voicemails from Liam, he became a little worried. He immediately called him back and when he didn’t answer he called him again and again until finally, he answered.

“Zayn? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine are you okay?” Zayn asked emphasizing the ‘you’.

“I..uh yeah. Why was your phone off?”

“That wasn’t a straight answer and I was in Bradford.”

“Oh how was your family?”

“Great now answer the question. Are you okay?”

Liam sighed, “Honestly Zaynie, no.”

“Come over. Talk to me.”

“Give me thirty minutes.”

“Hurry.” Zayn replied hanging up the phone.

He instantly felt bad that he wasn’t there for his best friend but he had given his band mates his house number in case of an emergency. So whatever was going on with Liam must not have been that bad. At least, Zayn hoped it wasn’t that bad. He wouldn’t know what he is going to do if something completely awful happened and he wasn’t there for him like he feels like he should have been. 

Instead doing all of the things Zayn told himself he was going to do like clean up his flat, do his laundry, go grocery shopping, he anxiously awaited his best friend’s arrival. When there was finally a knock on the door Zayn nearly jumped out of his skin to get it. 

“Liam.” Zayn breathed out as he let his band mate into his flat.

“Hey Zayn.” Liam said softly not even smiling.

Zayn knows Liam better than Liam probably knows Liam and Zayn could just tell he needed a hug. So he wrapped his arms around his neck and caressed his neck with his thumb as Liam’s arms wound their way around Zayn’s waist. 

Liam sighed out of contentment and rested his head on Zayn’s shoulder. This, this is one of the reasons why Liam loves Zayn; because he knows exactly what he needs without even asking. Zayn is there for him with questions asked but no pressure with responding or anything of the sort. Liam knows that he can go to him for anything and Zayn will be there to help him, to pick him up. Being in Zayn’s flat, being in his arms already makes Liam feel better and he honestly doesn’t know if he will ever feel better. Liam held in his whimper as Zayn finally pulled away but he laced their fingers together and led him to the couch.

“What happened this weekend, Liam?” Zayn asked quietly afraid that if he spoke too loud it would shatter the whole vibe. 

Liam sighed and couldn’t help but squirm under Zayn’s caring gaze, “Danielle and I broke up.” Liam admitted just above a whisper.

Zayn’s eyes widened, “What?” 

“Yeah, we just…we broke up.”

“I’m so sorry Liam, you should have called my house number. I could have been there for you.”

“You’re here now and that’s all that matters.” Liam said finally making eye contact with Zayn but only for a moment before looking back down at his lap, “Besides it wasn’t an emergency.”

“Liam, babe, you broke up with your girlfriend and you needed your best friend. I’d say that was an emergency.”

Liam ignored the fact that Zayn called him babe because he knew it wasn’t in the context that he wanted it to be in. “I didn’t call, it doesn’t matter.”

Zayn sighed, “Do you want to talk about it?” Zayn asked.

Liam shrugged, “I don’t know. I haven’t talked about it with anyone. You’re the only one I would talk to about it.”

Zayn softly smiled, “Where have you been staying?”

“Friends couches.”

“Oh, Liam.” Zayn said softly. “Why don’t you move in with me?” Zayn asked.

“What? Zayn you don’t want to live with anyone.”

Zayn waved him off, “You’re my best friend and you need some place to stay.”

“But you need peace and quiet.”

“But you’re my best friend and I want you to be here with me. I don’t want you couch hopping.”

“I can easily find a place to rent.”

“In a week?” Zayn questioned. “Look if you don’t want to permanently stay here then fine. But at least stay here until you have a good amount of time to find a great flat.” 

“I know how badly you need this space though. I know you need it to clear your head and I know you need room to breathe.”

“Yes all of those are correct but you know if I really needed alone time I will tell you. Besides you’re Liam. It’s not like your Louis or Harry or Niall. You’re Liam, you’re just…Liam.”

Liam laughed, “Well thanks.” He said before finally making eye contact with Zayn. 

It took Liam a while to respond, mostly because he was trying not to get too lost in Zayn’s brown eyes and partly because this is kind of a big decision and he had to think it through as much as he could in a short amount of time. Liam knows he needs a place to stay especially since Danielle refused to move out and he knows he’d be much more comfortable living with Zayn than anyone else. Liam is just so worried he would be invading Zayn’s personal space, his sanctuary if you will. But then again Zayn is offering and Liam knows Zayn wouldn’t offer if he didn’t mean it. 

Finally Liam nodded, “Okay I’ll move in if it’s okay with you.”

Zayn rolled his eyes playfully, “Of course it is Liam.”

“But probably only until I can find my own space.”

“I don’t care how long you stay here.” Zayn tells him giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. “Now when are we going to get your stuff? Do you need to text Danielle or do you need me to call her? Cause I will. In fact you don’t even have to see her. I’ll move you in all by myself.”

This is another reason why Liam loves Zayn because even though Liam could sense the joking tone in his voice he knows that if he really did need him to call he would. If Liam asked if Zayn could do it by himself Zayn would say yes without any problems. Because Zayn is the best kind of friend to have and luckily for Liam, Zayn is his best friend. 

-

The boys ended up moving Liam out of his flat the next day and by the end of the night Liam was completely settled into Zayn’s flat. Liam kept trying to thank Zayn for everything he’s doing but Zayn would either completely ignore him or simply respond with ‘that’s what friends are for’ or if Liam seemed to be a bit more down than usual he would start singing ‘You’ve Got A Friend In Me’ which always cheered him up. The two spent the first couple of days figuring out how they were going to live together; whether they would do their own thing or spend every waking moment together. It ended up being a mix of the two and both of them were quite enjoying it.  
Zayn was becoming a little worried because Liam still hadn’t brought up what happened with Danielle but he knew better than to pressure the information out of him. Zayn could tell Liam was trying his hardest to hold it all together and be the strong guy that everyone knew him to be but Zayn could see past that. He noticed the bags under Liam’s eyes growing bigger, he could see Liam’s posture becoming slouchier, he wasn’t eating as healthily and he wasn’t drinking as much water. It was also little things in his behavior like sleeping in later, not smiling as much, playing with his hands a lot, he can’t keep eye contact and he’s fidgety. 

Before bed one night Zayn stopped Liam before he could retreat into his bedroom. 

“Li,” Zayn whispered holding onto his hand, “You know that I love you right? And I’d do anything for you? Whether it’s go streaking to make you smile or sing to help you calm down or get you a piano or just listen to you or hold you while you cry. I’ll do anything for you Liam.”

It was hard to see due to the dim light but Zayn could see the hints of a smile, a real smile.

“I know Zaynie, thank you.” 

So that was that. Zayn walked into his room and Liam walked into his. Liam knew he wasn’t going to sleep tonight; he hasn’t been sleeping well ever since breaking up with Danielle. It doesn’t stop him from trying though which usually ends up in hours upon hours of tossing and turning until he finally falls asleep but is usually awoken by a nightmare. Tonight however he is feeling a bit more emotional than he has been. Maybe it was everything Zayn told him, things he already knows but it’s nice to hear every once in a while, especially when he feels so broken and so alone. It only takes Liam seconds to realize that all he wants or rather all he needs is his best friend beside him, telling him that he’s okay. Realizing that and going through with it are two very different things for Liam though. He knows Zayn won’t care that he’s been woken up, he knows he’ll be angrier if he finds out Liam didn’t act upon those feelings than anything. But it’s Liam and Liam has a hard time making others do something for him whether or not they care.  
After forty five minutes of tossing and turning and over thinking to the point of tears, Liam gets up from his bed and quietly walks across the hall and into Zayn’s room. 

“Zaynie?” Liam questions gently shaking Zayn’s arm.

“Liam? Are you okay?” Zayn asks turning to face his best friend.

Liam tries not to break into a sob but it doesn’t work, “No.” he finally says through his tears. 

Zayn immediately scoots over and moves the covers so Liam can get into the bed. Zayn instantly wraps his arms around his best friend and runs his hands through his hair, allowing Liam to cry. Liam cried and cried and cried, after a while he knew he wasn’t just crying over his finished relationship, he was crying because of how exhausted he truly felt after tour, he’s crying because he is finally living his dream, he’s crying because he has the four best friends in the world and he’s crying because he is in love with one of his best friends. Liam knew everything was piling up during tour but Liam is Liam and he has it all together so he didn’t let anyone know how rundown he was feeling. He was hoping the break would not only give him time to relax but it would give him time to ignore his feelings for his best friend but it didn’t at all. Instead he broke up with his girlfriend the same day he got home and in a matter of seconds it seemed like his whole world changed.

You would think Liam would be used to his world changing so often. In just a few short months he wasn’t just Liam Payne from Wolverhampton, he’s Liam Payne from the boy band sensation One Direction. He made it onto the X Factor and was put into a group with four guys he didn’t know. He was thrust into this huge competition that surely went over his head and then all of a sudden it was over. But not completely, the band was signed then they were doing photo shoots and interviews and touring for the X Factor. Then they were in the studio and finally, finally they had a single and they were touring for that and writing a book and working on an album. Then more touring and interviews and touring and interviews then they went to America with even more touring and interviews and photo shoots and tv appearances and concerts almost every night. And in the middle of all of this, Liam was trying to figure out why he was finding his best friend, Zayn Malik, attractive both physically and mentally.

Liam thought it the second he saw Zayn Malik back on the X Factor but Liam is Liam and Liam is or well, was straight. The newness of the show and the competition was able to distract Liam and his feelings, plus he met Danielle. But the busy schedule made him always around Zayn which ultimately made them declare the title of best friends. They get along better with each other than the others and they share a lot in common not just in habits and likes but personalities as well. They can tell each other everything and know the other won’t judge. They can mess around and be boys or they can be business men and do their jobs or they can divulge in each other and tell each other secrets. They know things about each other that the others don’t. Like Liam is the only one who knows Zayn had a huge crush on a librarian and Zayn is the only one that knows Liam not only cussed out a teacher but skipped in the same day. Liam is also the only one that knows Zayn is gay and Zayn is the only one that knows Liam isn’t so sure about his sexuality.  
Because of how good of friends the boys are Liam had no problems confiding in Zayn about his questions and Zayn had no problem in answering. Liam was just hoping his feelings for Zayn would go away over time. He thought it was just because of how much time they were spending together but slowly Zayn was the last person Liam thought about before bed. Zayn was the person Liam thought about while talking to Danielle. Zayn was the person Liam wanted to take out on dates and Zayn was the one person Liam could be completely himself. In Liam’s ever changing world, Zayn is the one constant and he needs that, he needs someone to always be there for him. This leads to another reason why Liam is crying, he doesn’t know if and how he could tell Zayn his true feelings. Liam needs Zayn in his life not only for the band but for himself as well; he needs him around so he can be Liam. Liam is terrified that if he told Zayn how he truly felt Zayn would be disgusted and would end their friendship then what would he do? What would the band do? Liam couldn’t chance that but he doesn’t know how much longer he can live with these feelings for his best friend.

-

Liam woke up later than usual due to his late night crying session and didn’t actually want to leave Zayn’s bed. He just feels so comfortable, safe, warm and cared for in his bed. Liam decides as he rolls over to see Zayn reading a book that he isn’t going to leave unless Zayn makes him. 

“Morning sweetheart.” Zayn greets him with a smile.

“Hi.” Liam responds sleep still evident in his voice.

Liam reaches out and moves the book from Zayn’s hands so he can cuddle up against him more. He probably should have been worried about what Zayn was going to do but in his sleepy state of mind, he really didn’t care. He just wanted to be held by his best friend.

“Feeling better?” Zayn asked.

Liam shrugged, “I guess? I don’t know. I’m tired, so very tired.” 

Zayn sighed and held onto Liam tighter, “I’m so sorry. I just wish I knew how to help.”

“This is helping. You’re helping. Don’t’ worry.”

“I can’t help but to worry.” 

“I know. I’m sorry. I wish you didn’t.”

Zayn sighed, “It’s okay.”

“We broke up because I wasn’t being fair to her.” Liam finally said.

Zayn was taken aback by the confession but he tried not to let it show, “How so?”

“I didn’t love her anymore like I thought I did. In fact I didn’t love her for a while, I don’t know if I ever really did. I guess she kind of knew though because well, she was cheating on me.”

Zayn winced, “Just because she thought you weren’t in love with her, doesn’t mean she has the right to cheat on you.”

“I guess but in a way I was emotionally cheating on someone else.” Liam admitted.

“With who?”

“Someone. It wasn’t like we talked or anything, well we did but not like that. I don’t know how to describe it. It was mainly me. I’m the one with the feelings and all that and they weren’t for Danielle but I was with her therefore I cheated as well.”

“You didn’t act upon them though, did you?”

“Of course not, I still haven’t. I just don’t want you to have ill thoughts for her because I did the same thing.”

“I guess but you didn’t go out and actually cheat on her.”

“No not exactly.” 

“It just seems like you’re making excuses for her.” 

“Zaynie.” Liam said quietly and Zayn instantly knew he took it too far.

“Okay I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“So what are you going to do about your feelings for the other person?”

“I don’t know yet. I could tell them and ruin everything or not tell them and not ruin anything.”

Zayn couldn’t help but laugh a little, “So a 50/50 chance. Is there an option of telling them and not ruining anything?”

Liam sighed, “There is always the possibility. But they don’t like me.”

“How do you know? Have they told you?”

“No they haven’t.”

“Then that’s still an option.”

“Sure.” Liam agreed, “But I just broke things off with Danielle I shouldn’t be thinking about going into another relationship.” 

“If you’ve been thinking about this other person for a while it doesn’t matter how long ago you broke up with Danielle. As long as you are in the relationship for the right reasons.”

“It would be but we don’t have to worry about it since the relationship won’t happen.”

Zayn sighed, “I think you should go for it.” 

“Why? You don’t even know the person.”

“No I don’t but if they mean this much to you then they are worth it. I just want you happy, Liam and if this person does that for you then I like them.”

Liam didn’t say anything for a while; he didn’t know what to say. Zayn means well, he really does but he doesn’t know who Liam is talking about. It’s easy to give advice like that when you aren’t correctly informed and while Liam would take the advice Zayn gives for any other situation he isn’t so sure he can do so now. This isn’t admitting to some random person that you like them. This is Liam admitting to Zayn his best friend, band mate and now roommate that he is in love with him. It would change everything and he isn’t sure he’s ready for that but then again so much has been changing so he might as well get it over with now so everything can change all at once. 

Liam moved away from Zayn and sat up, Zayn sitting up as well. The two just kind of stared at each other for a while before finally Liam started to speak. 

“If I tell you who it is you have to promise me you won’t judge me, you have to promise me you won’t freak out.”

Zayn was completely confused but he nodded, “Li, you know I would never ever judge you and nothing you say to me now will freak me out.”

“You haven’t heard what I’m about to tell you yet.” Liam whispered looking down at his hands. 

Zayn stayed quiet unsure of what to do or say. Liam was trying to collect his thoughts, trying to decide how he should tell him. 

“I…fuck..” Liam cursed. “It’s you Zayn, it’s always you.” 

The statement hung in the air, the two men letting it sink in. Liam wasn’t sure what to say next, there was so many things he wanted to say, so many things he felt like he needed to say but nothing was coming out. Zayn was trying to process the fact that his best friend admitted to him that he likes him. The same best friend that he’s grown feelings for as well. 

Liam opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out so he closed it again but finally, finally he felt like he could talk again and when he started to it was like he couldn’t stop.

“I know this is a lot to take in and I really hope this doesn’t ruin us. I just needed to tell you. You’re my best friend Zayn and I just love you so much more than that. You know me better than I know myself and you’re so caring and so sweet and you are there for me. You get me and you don’t pressure me and you let me be me. You’re so smart and creative and talented and honest and brave and god Zayn, you are so attractive. You take my breath away, every little thing you do. You take my breath away and I love you. I love you so much. And I know telling you all of this could ruin everything but there’s a 50/50 chance and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to either make this work or make this go back to normal.” 

Zayn was having a hard time processing everything Liam told him. It was all just so shocking and so random. Was this even real? Zayn didn’t think any of this could be possible, he didn’t think Liam would ever feel the same way about him. This is Liam, the boy who has one kidney, the boy who loves super hero movies and would be a fireman if he could, the boy who steals millions of girls hearts, the boy who loves pizza, and who reads an incredible amount, the boy who will take on anyone’s problems as long as it meant they were happy. This is Liam, Zayn’s best friend who up until this point, Zayn was still sure he was straight. This is Liam, the guy of Zayn’s dreams admitting to him that he is in love with him.

Before Zayn could do or say anything Liam was fighting back tears and getting off of Zayn’s bed and running from the room. It only took Zayn a couple of seconds to run after him, catching the door to his room just before he could close it. 

“Liam I love you.” Zayn said making Liam pause.

“Not in the way I want though, huh?”

Zayn smiled and shook his head, “Turn around, Liam.” Liam still didn’t move, “Please? Just turn around.”

Slowly, Liam turned around tears running down his face as he tried to hastily wipe them away. 

“I love you.” Zayn said again never breaking eye contact.

It was that short sentence that Liam finally heard the truth. He could hear it in his tone of voice and see it in his eyes. Zayn loves him and he’s telling the truth.

“When?” Liam asked just above a whisper. 

“Do you remember that time in the recording studio when we were making Up All Night I was having a lot of problems vocally and you made me go outside for some fresh air?”

Liam chuckled, “Then I dragged you into an empty vocal booth.”

“And you threw my sketchbook at me and you wouldn’t let me out for a good four hours. But when I got out I didn’t have any more problems.” Zayn finished recalling the story. “I knew I was in love with you the second the sketchbook hit my face.”

Liam gasped, covering his mouth with his hands, “It did not hit your face!”

Zayn chuckled and slowly walked closer to his best friend, “Not entirely, the pages did. No harm no foul.” 

“I am so sorry I didn’t even know!” 

Zayn smiled at Liam and removed his hands from his mouth, replacing his lips where Liam’s hands had been. Liam didn’t kiss back immediately due to the fact that he’s dreamt of this moment happening for nights on end and it’s finally happening. Zayn must be feeling the same thing or know what Liam is thinking because he doesn’t move his lips for a while. Instead he pulls back just enough for their breathing to be felt before placing his lips back on Liam’s. This time Liam kisses him back and suddenly everything felt perfect. Zayn’s lips moved perfectly against Liam’s almost as if they were missing puzzle pieces that finally found each other. The kiss was like a reaffirmation that everything is okay and everything would be okay because Liam is in love with Zayn and Zayn is in love with Liam. Although their relationship isn’t conventional, it’s theirs and its perfect and there’s nothing better than falling in love with your best friend.


End file.
